He handed us the money he’d quietly saved for my wedding and said, “Use this however you need. If you want the big wedding, go for it. But if you need help getting started, don’t hesitate to scale things back.”
And so, we did. We had a smaller wedding and used the rest to stay afloat that first year. We would never have made it without that gracious gift and the quiet, unwavering support behind it.
That wasn’t the first time he showed up for me when I didn’t even know how to ask.
Back in college, during my junior year, I hit a wall. I was working for the school under a boss who made every day miserable. I was calling my parents in tears almost every night, emotionally drained and barely holding on. Not once did my dad guilt me over the money or effort it took to get me there. After one especially hard call, he said, “I’ll be there in the morning. We’ll figure it out.”
And that’s exactly what he did. He packed up my things, brought me home, and gave me space to heal. No shame. No pressure. Just a safe place to land. He believed in me, even when I wasn’t sure I believed in myself.
That year, he taught me one of the most valuable lessons of my life: how to regroup, dust myself off, and try again. I went back to school the next year and graduated Summa Cum Laude.
Failing doesn’t feel as scary when you know someone’s waiting to help you succeed again. My parents have always been that for me. My dad has always been quiet strength, steady support, and the kind of love that doesn’t make headlines, but changes everything.
I see that same strength in my husband. He’s already becoming that steady, safe place for our daughter. The one who shows up and teaches her through actions more than words. It’s one of the things I love most about him. Watching him be the dad she needs reminds me of the dad I had, and still have.
This Father’s Day, I’m reminded again just how lucky I am to have been raised by a man like that, and to be raising a family with one too. Happy Father’s Day to the men who show up, love hard, and lead quietly. The ones who may not always ask for thanks but absolutely deserve it.
Pamela Chandler is a local mom who writes the Gem City Family column for the Dayton Daily News. Reach out to her at thechandlercrew3@gmail.com.
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